Today, I wonder where I would be without the One who consistently sustains me and makes me new. Marriage and Motherhood are two very difficult jobs but they are two significant callings that God has strategically placed in my life. I believe God placed a desire in my heart to be a mother and to serve my husband as He intended. Even though I am not always consistent in following what God wants me to do in those callings, I can still rest in the fact that He will be my motivation, my strength, my joy, my determination, and my answer even when I don’t look for Him. I have known what it’s like to be away from Him and what it’s like to be close to Him. When I away from Him, I see the toll it takes on my callings and my well-being. I think that I have to perform well and when I don’t, I am extremely hard on myself whether I want to admit that or not. I become emotional and check out even though I know that that’s not how He intended me to be. I think those times of brokenness and admitting to Him that I don’t have it all together and I desperately need His help and His nearness are the most meaningful and most significant times. I think that I grow more in Him when I have no choice but to completely rely on Him. I think He knows what He is doing because He brings you to the end of yourself before He makes you new and I can honestly say that I am thankful for that. He graciously did that with my husband several months ago and it has been one of the most trying and most redemptive times in our marriage. We have been the closest and the furthest from each other during this time. I think that that is a perfect picture of how we are with Him. Like I said, we know what it’s like to be close and we know what it’s like to not be. We know the former is the most significant and that is where we can thrive the most together and with God. I think He is really working on us to break us down together so that He can show us that our life, our callings, our relationships, etc. have so much more meaning and purpose when we seek Him and long for Him. Everything else falls into place. Now why is it so hard to realize that sometimes? Not only to realize it but why is it so hard to put it into action? That’s my prayer today and every day that God would bring me out of my distresses. I pray that He would take hold of all the things that weigh me down and the things that I let get to me. I want to be fully accessible by Him. I pray that He would remove all of my distractions so that I can be who He has created me to be and so that I can daily answer to Him and my callings.
-M
redemption story 